If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
