So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
