Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just pee around me
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
