I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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