Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
