is your mom at the bar?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
