my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
