Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
