I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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