she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Randomize