her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
tell me about the fingering
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