You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
