I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
