It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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