my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
So squirting runs in the family.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
