The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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