Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize