From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
