How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
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