Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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