is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
well you can't waste a boner
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You are the jesus of drinking
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
