I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize