There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
