dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
is that a dick in a sweater?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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