Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
