he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
