He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
