Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
