So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
