Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
sex in a hospital.. check
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
