my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
