i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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