ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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