I am puke
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
