actually, I'm a sock model
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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