How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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