apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize