Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
