the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
