i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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