i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
