we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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