Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
