i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
