If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
