dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
