My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
