I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
