Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Panties = found
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
