I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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