Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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