i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
