dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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