She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
not ubering you a puppy
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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