Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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