I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
