I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
