they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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