biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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