Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
