I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
