Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
