a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
