Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
