My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
