You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
