well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
