my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
