im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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