who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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